"The person who loves their own dream of community (even if intentions are ever so earnest) will destroy it, but the person who loves those around them will create community."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
It's hard for me to think back with clarity to a time when I was not utterly enmeshed in Atangard. For me, Atangard Community Project began long before we moved into 33790 Essendene Ave. My energy and thoughts started funneling towards community when I moved out here from Saskatchewan over 3 years ago. A group of people interesting in living in and working towards creating a community living space was one of the reasons I made the trek to BC.
After high school, as you may have read below, I went to a Capernwray school in Greece and was lucky enough to landed a beautiful roommate named Tessa Marie Suderman. She taught me a lot - about God, about friendship and about myself. She also showed me how to look at myself in a way I never had before. You see, by the time I got to Greece, although I may not have looked it on the outside, I was in pretty rough shape. I had spent the previous three weeks alternating between depression and elation and arguing with my family while travelling through Europe. Before that had been a year of tremendous lows, screaming, unusual behavior, tears and finally - seeking help and opening up to my parents about what was going inside of me and how scared and confused I really was. To tell the truth, that year is a little hazy. Like many bad months or episodes since - it is closer to a bad dream than a real experience.
To be a little dramatic, Greece was really the beginning of new life and although it took me several years to find my way back to Tess after Greece and really, here, to the start my life - that was where it all began. Let me explain what I mean.
My time in Greece gave me a love for and an interest in community that I never had previously, because I had never experienced it. After leaving, although I did another brief stint in Austria at a bible school in a community setting (equally good), I continued to battle ups and downs and was diagnosed as bipolar. I was on and off different medications, struggling to grow up and figure out how to live on my own, and mostly did not do this very well. I did this in Winnipeg, Manitoba as I was attending design school at Red River College. The support system that I was blessed with there was amazing, but it wasn't enough. Or maybe it was me that wasn't healthy enough, mentally or physically, to reach for or create a community like the one I dreamed of.
After all of that, design school behind me and blank slate before me, I did what I always did, moved to a new place. This time, Abbotsford, BC. What happened next however, was unusual - I stayed. And this staying has brought me a community that has enabled me to live life in a way I did not dare hope I could. Pharmaceutical med free, healthy and happy.
My dream was a community that worked, slept, ate, cried, laughed - LIVED together. That is what I was reaching for when I stuffed a lot of junk in a U-haul. Since then, my dream has been complicated by the complications of living in and trying to be a leader in an actual community. And as I try to do that leading, along with four other directors, sometimes we make mistakes. I worry that decisions we make, even with the most earnest of intentions (which I do not worry about, we are very earnest), will destroy our community. I am reminded, wisely, by others that this place is remarkably strong and resilient. That strength is something I draw from more than I realize, except when I take time to reflect and realize how much this place and these people have given me.
Beth
Friday, December 10, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Why I decided to live in community.
Why did I decide to live in community?
I don't understand fully why this question is so hard for me to answer. After rewriting this afew times, I finally decided to dig through old journals to see what I was writing about, (back when i had time/made time) to write more, thinking this might jarg some old memories of when I first started thinking about community. What I found? So many prayers to God about loneliness. So much passion and eagerness at the thought of community. I have prayer after prayer written out about this community experience I so desired. What I most desired was meaningful relationships...tons of them. I guess at the time, I couldnt imagine anything better then having a quiver full of friends!
I began to experience small doses of community after a very lonely and somewhat depression high school experience (although I was pretty good a faking it to everyone but my family). I went away after school to bible school and met this really awesome girl (whome, most of you now know, yes the one and only Elizabeth Ashton) who became one of my first real and dearest friends. She was also the only friend I made at bible school, as I was a recluse, as in.. afraid of people. She spoke a lot of truth into my life that betrayed some of the lies I believed about myself, and not only that, but she was a friend to me. This, however, is not the beginnings of community I was referring to, just a little bit of preface.
I don't imagine you want to read about all the events in my life that lead up to me being involved in atangard, so I will try very hard to relay a concise overview because it all has everything to do with how I decided I wanted to live in community.
After coming home from bible school I went to california to hangout with Sofe for 10 days, (who was also at bible school) and encountered a community of people who blew my mind. There were a ton of people in the early to mid 20's living in different houses, and they were family. Not family by blood, but family by nessecity. And in those 10 days they took me in as part of their family. This was my second encounter with people I really believed sincerely liked me. (yes, i definitly had some self esteem issues) This inspired me. I went home and decided to start something to get people together...make some friends. Thursday night, art night. People started show'n up at my parents house. We couldnt get enough of eachother! We started having themed dinner parties and breakfast clubs. Art nights were less and less about art, and more about hang'n out and talking till all hours. By this time, I was getting used to the idea that people sometimes liked me. This was also about the times when I started to get a taste of some of the challenges of community.
Beth wrote me something that rung so true to me, "Being a Loner is easier...investing yourself in conversation with people you meet one night and quite possibly will never meet again...its easier to be a bright shining moment then in someones life day in and day out. So where do you go when your shining moment lingers, but begins to fade...and the shining moment becomes a ghost- ready to be blown away- to vanish..". I read that and it still rings true to me, the more people I invite into my life, the more complicated it becomes (Lets be honest, humanity can be pretty messy at times).
I decided to end art night eventually because we werent really doing art anymore, so we could just hang out without a label. I ended up moving out with a friend around that time, and after 6 months, my roomate got married, and I lured afew friends to take her place. 5 roomates in a 2 bedroom apartment. It was during this time when the idea of atangard began to form and materialize. Atangard happened just in time in my opinion. With such tight quaters our living situation wasnt sustainable.
I suppose living in community was a disicion I made at some point, but I mostly feel, after giving it much thought, that it was my only option, because I didnt want the alternative. I don't think I could have fully understood the cost of living in community (ive briefly illuded to the fact that living in community hasnt been all bike rides and hula hooping), but I am very grateful that I am here. There is so much to learn here with my 26 roomates. So many parties to plan and freak'n awesome people i have the ultmate privilage to get to know. So much Im learning about myself (ulgh, the good the bad and the ugly), and so much to learn about God and my utter need for Him. I believe that God intended us to live more relationally then how our society has modeled. So for now, this is me give'n a crack at it... in all my humanity.
I don't understand fully why this question is so hard for me to answer. After rewriting this afew times, I finally decided to dig through old journals to see what I was writing about, (back when i had time/made time) to write more, thinking this might jarg some old memories of when I first started thinking about community. What I found? So many prayers to God about loneliness. So much passion and eagerness at the thought of community. I have prayer after prayer written out about this community experience I so desired. What I most desired was meaningful relationships...tons of them. I guess at the time, I couldnt imagine anything better then having a quiver full of friends!
I began to experience small doses of community after a very lonely and somewhat depression high school experience (although I was pretty good a faking it to everyone but my family). I went away after school to bible school and met this really awesome girl (whome, most of you now know, yes the one and only Elizabeth Ashton) who became one of my first real and dearest friends. She was also the only friend I made at bible school, as I was a recluse, as in.. afraid of people. She spoke a lot of truth into my life that betrayed some of the lies I believed about myself, and not only that, but she was a friend to me. This, however, is not the beginnings of community I was referring to, just a little bit of preface.
I don't imagine you want to read about all the events in my life that lead up to me being involved in atangard, so I will try very hard to relay a concise overview because it all has everything to do with how I decided I wanted to live in community.
After coming home from bible school I went to california to hangout with Sofe for 10 days, (who was also at bible school) and encountered a community of people who blew my mind. There were a ton of people in the early to mid 20's living in different houses, and they were family. Not family by blood, but family by nessecity. And in those 10 days they took me in as part of their family. This was my second encounter with people I really believed sincerely liked me. (yes, i definitly had some self esteem issues) This inspired me. I went home and decided to start something to get people together...make some friends. Thursday night, art night. People started show'n up at my parents house. We couldnt get enough of eachother! We started having themed dinner parties and breakfast clubs. Art nights were less and less about art, and more about hang'n out and talking till all hours. By this time, I was getting used to the idea that people sometimes liked me. This was also about the times when I started to get a taste of some of the challenges of community.
Beth wrote me something that rung so true to me, "Being a Loner is easier...investing yourself in conversation with people you meet one night and quite possibly will never meet again...its easier to be a bright shining moment then in someones life day in and day out. So where do you go when your shining moment lingers, but begins to fade...and the shining moment becomes a ghost- ready to be blown away- to vanish..". I read that and it still rings true to me, the more people I invite into my life, the more complicated it becomes (Lets be honest, humanity can be pretty messy at times).
I decided to end art night eventually because we werent really doing art anymore, so we could just hang out without a label. I ended up moving out with a friend around that time, and after 6 months, my roomate got married, and I lured afew friends to take her place. 5 roomates in a 2 bedroom apartment. It was during this time when the idea of atangard began to form and materialize. Atangard happened just in time in my opinion. With such tight quaters our living situation wasnt sustainable.
I suppose living in community was a disicion I made at some point, but I mostly feel, after giving it much thought, that it was my only option, because I didnt want the alternative. I don't think I could have fully understood the cost of living in community (ive briefly illuded to the fact that living in community hasnt been all bike rides and hula hooping), but I am very grateful that I am here. There is so much to learn here with my 26 roomates. So many parties to plan and freak'n awesome people i have the ultmate privilage to get to know. So much Im learning about myself (ulgh, the good the bad and the ugly), and so much to learn about God and my utter need for Him. I believe that God intended us to live more relationally then how our society has modeled. So for now, this is me give'n a crack at it... in all my humanity.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
...
By now, some of you that follow this blog have picked up on the most recent theme of our posts. Those who we have looked to for wisdom beyond these brick walls have posed the following questions to our community leaders: why do you live and invest in Atangard and what makes it worth it to you? These questions and the like are what we are seeking to answer in our most recent entries.
When I first got involved in this community I did so with no intention of becoming a resident. My first motive was to get involved because I had friends who where excited and implicated. My second was probably the prospect of new friendships. As well, at the time I was unemployed and awaiting summer work, so I had an ample amount of time that needed to be occupied (which was, thanks to the renovation process). After I got involved and started to experience the passion and excitement of those around me, I too started to look ahead in anticipation of this downtown community.
Nine months later, however, I moved in and six months after that I stepped into a position as a director. At that point, mostly do to the responses that I had received from those I spoke to regarding this project, I realized that it was different and special, and possibly a bit counter cultural. Being a fairly social, 24 year old sociology student, the idea of living in a communal setting with well over 20 people was extremely attractive. Further still, after being asked if I wanted to become a director, I did so because I thought it would be a good way to involve myself.
I think it is important to mention that I have been physically absent from the community for 4 of the 7 months that I have been a resident. During this time, I had been left with a similar ideal and understanding of the community as I did when I was first involved. And now, after living here for the past few months, amongst many who have been here since the beginning, I find myself with an ambiguous understanding of community living.
Perhaps, it may be helpful to compare my own position living here with that of the Christian walk of faith. When one becomes a Christian, it seems, there is much passion for a relationship with Christ and a desire to pursue a godly life; however, there may be a severe lack of understanding in how this relationship should play out. Of course, one is expected to mature and grow in their faith so that they may have a more holistic grasp on what it means to be in a relationship with Christ. This is where I find myself in the ethos of community living. I have the desire to pursue living in this community, but, I am still trying to work out what it entails.
I feel like my situation may not be an isolated one. I think that many others who live here are in a similar position or at least share different (and possibly conflicting) ideas regarding community living. Out of this I have two current, overarching reasons for investing in this place.
1.I am at a loss for a proper and holistic understanding of what community living is, why it is valuable, why it is so difficult, and what learned here can transcend our specific situation and help us consider the world around us and our relationship with God. I hope that living here will help me grow in this respect and I feel that since I live here and participate in leadership, it is my responsibility to do so. This conviction I find is in harmony with a verse in the book of James: `Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly` (James 3:1).
2.I am falling in love with those whom I share this space and experience. There is something to be said about the power of the physical to bring people together. For me, this building and the relationships it sponsors has the ability to promote spiritual connections between people, similar to that of shared genetics within a family. I hope to one day leave this place, forever affected by my experience here, taking with me many lasting relationships.
These are the most important reasons why I live and invest in this place and why this investment is worth the next few years of my life.
When I first got involved in this community I did so with no intention of becoming a resident. My first motive was to get involved because I had friends who where excited and implicated. My second was probably the prospect of new friendships. As well, at the time I was unemployed and awaiting summer work, so I had an ample amount of time that needed to be occupied (which was, thanks to the renovation process). After I got involved and started to experience the passion and excitement of those around me, I too started to look ahead in anticipation of this downtown community.
Nine months later, however, I moved in and six months after that I stepped into a position as a director. At that point, mostly do to the responses that I had received from those I spoke to regarding this project, I realized that it was different and special, and possibly a bit counter cultural. Being a fairly social, 24 year old sociology student, the idea of living in a communal setting with well over 20 people was extremely attractive. Further still, after being asked if I wanted to become a director, I did so because I thought it would be a good way to involve myself.
I think it is important to mention that I have been physically absent from the community for 4 of the 7 months that I have been a resident. During this time, I had been left with a similar ideal and understanding of the community as I did when I was first involved. And now, after living here for the past few months, amongst many who have been here since the beginning, I find myself with an ambiguous understanding of community living.
Perhaps, it may be helpful to compare my own position living here with that of the Christian walk of faith. When one becomes a Christian, it seems, there is much passion for a relationship with Christ and a desire to pursue a godly life; however, there may be a severe lack of understanding in how this relationship should play out. Of course, one is expected to mature and grow in their faith so that they may have a more holistic grasp on what it means to be in a relationship with Christ. This is where I find myself in the ethos of community living. I have the desire to pursue living in this community, but, I am still trying to work out what it entails.
I feel like my situation may not be an isolated one. I think that many others who live here are in a similar position or at least share different (and possibly conflicting) ideas regarding community living. Out of this I have two current, overarching reasons for investing in this place.
1.I am at a loss for a proper and holistic understanding of what community living is, why it is valuable, why it is so difficult, and what learned here can transcend our specific situation and help us consider the world around us and our relationship with God. I hope that living here will help me grow in this respect and I feel that since I live here and participate in leadership, it is my responsibility to do so. This conviction I find is in harmony with a verse in the book of James: `Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly` (James 3:1).
2.I am falling in love with those whom I share this space and experience. There is something to be said about the power of the physical to bring people together. For me, this building and the relationships it sponsors has the ability to promote spiritual connections between people, similar to that of shared genetics within a family. I hope to one day leave this place, forever affected by my experience here, taking with me many lasting relationships.
These are the most important reasons why I live and invest in this place and why this investment is worth the next few years of my life.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
What Does Atangard Mean to Me?
If I was asked that question two or three years ago, the answer would have been quite different. Of course not unrecognizably so, but removed enough that one could be forgiven for thinking I was speaking of a different place. In a sense I was.... Atangard is no longer that attractive, exciting, intangible ideal that was developing in the fall of 2007 and is now a somewhat mundane reality. Not that it is boring; Oh by no means! Rather it is no longer cerebral, it has become very physical. To put it another way, for me in this past year Atangard has gone from almost completely philosophical to nearly entirely practical. Don't get me wrong, I would not change a moment of this reality to return to those days of imagining it, but I do miss those days.
I guess in order to describe accurately what Atangard means to me now, I must reconcile it with what it was to me in the past and what I want it to be in the future. I will try to do that in a single phrase but it will be at the expense of all the other ideas, actions and relationships that make up the essence of Atangard.
What Atangard was to me: A place where the current social trend of isolationism and individualism will be countered.
What Atangard is to me: A place where strangers become friends and we learn to love people despite our selfishness.
What I Want Atangard to be: A place where people's passions are shared by others in both thought and action.
Of course just because I was, doesn't mean it is that no longer nor just because I desire it for the future is it not here and now, yet this is where i feel the mindset of the majority lies right now and where I want it to go.
I guess in order to describe accurately what Atangard means to me now, I must reconcile it with what it was to me in the past and what I want it to be in the future. I will try to do that in a single phrase but it will be at the expense of all the other ideas, actions and relationships that make up the essence of Atangard.
What Atangard was to me: A place where the current social trend of isolationism and individualism will be countered.
What Atangard is to me: A place where strangers become friends and we learn to love people despite our selfishness.
What I Want Atangard to be: A place where people's passions are shared by others in both thought and action.
Of course just because I was, doesn't mean it is that no longer nor just because I desire it for the future is it not here and now, yet this is where i feel the mindset of the majority lies right now and where I want it to go.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Revisit the Reasons
Over the past year, two years, three years, people have asked why are you doing this. I've always had an answer, it sometimes changes. Or maybe there are so many reasons that it seems my answer changes, but it is actually only part of the whole. But as of late it has come up again. It is something that Ron Dart and Father Michael emphasized, and in trying times it is something that I ask myself. Why am I doing this. It's good to revisit. It's good to be certain. So here are some of my reasons.
When I moved home from California, I didn't really have any friends. Maybe a few. When your that far removed, you don't even really know where to find some like-minded folk. I realized that the strongest relationships I had were with people I'd lived with. Vonnegut said it well. “What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
Reason #1. To create a place that can facilitate real and lasting relationships. Exposure to new and different people. A home to welcome others.
When I came home from traveling I hated how our lives were built around aquiring stuff, building our career, and independence.
Reason #2. To fight the American dream, the culture of independence and self-promotion. To be able to live for less to save money and time to be able to put into relationships, art, music, and other endeavors. To create a culture that is alive, people that take risks and try new things.
These are perhaps the main reasons. The "ideal" that I hold onto. I love it when I look over these things and recognize how different aspects of it are being fulfilled. There is always more room for growth and change.
For me personally. I have found some 'like-minded folk." Sometimes it seems like I may have found more non-like-minded folk, but that is okay. Thats the exposure to different people. I've met and gotten to know many wonderful people, be it residents, short term visitors, long term visitors and those in the neighborhood. And I've gotten to engage in different projects just for kicks, utilizing the talents and interests of many of these wonderful people. I am excited to see what else takes place in these next years.
When I moved home from California, I didn't really have any friends. Maybe a few. When your that far removed, you don't even really know where to find some like-minded folk. I realized that the strongest relationships I had were with people I'd lived with. Vonnegut said it well. “What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
Reason #1. To create a place that can facilitate real and lasting relationships. Exposure to new and different people. A home to welcome others.
When I came home from traveling I hated how our lives were built around aquiring stuff, building our career, and independence.
Reason #2. To fight the American dream, the culture of independence and self-promotion. To be able to live for less to save money and time to be able to put into relationships, art, music, and other endeavors. To create a culture that is alive, people that take risks and try new things.
These are perhaps the main reasons. The "ideal" that I hold onto. I love it when I look over these things and recognize how different aspects of it are being fulfilled. There is always more room for growth and change.
For me personally. I have found some 'like-minded folk." Sometimes it seems like I may have found more non-like-minded folk, but that is okay. Thats the exposure to different people. I've met and gotten to know many wonderful people, be it residents, short term visitors, long term visitors and those in the neighborhood. And I've gotten to engage in different projects just for kicks, utilizing the talents and interests of many of these wonderful people. I am excited to see what else takes place in these next years.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
fixed-gear community
Lately, I’ve realized that I may be one of the only residents here that doesn’t have a bicycle of some sort. I’ve been keeping an eye out for the bike that I will purchase and make my own, and thanks to a few of my roommates, I have a fairly good idea of what I am looking for.
Last Saturday, a friend and I made our way to a local antique hotspot in search of my future two-wheeled beauty. We found an old grey twelve speed that had potential if I could get it for the right price. The right price, however, was low, since I would have had to spend a lot of money making it into want I really wanted: it was an old, heavy, twelve speed rather than a freshly painted, light, fixed gear. I took the fully functioning bike to its owner and asked how much he wanted for it. As it was, he wanted quite a lot more than I was willing to pay. Our disagreement over the value of the bike was very obvious. I saw the bike as one that would require a significant post-purchase investment, and he saw the bike as is, being in perfectly good operational shape. Neither of us was right or wrong, it’s just that we had very different opinions about what the future of the bike should be, which in turn affected our opinion about the bikes current worth.
Recently, my thoughts regarding community living have occupied a sizable amount of mental real estate. I’ve been wondering what, in a practical sense, community living should look like. Further, I’ve tried to remember what people had initially hoped living here would be like and then attempted to compare those initial expectations with, after a years time, what we now experience. It seems, especially after the last house meeting, that we have been struggling in many ways as a community. Let me suggest two possible ways to deal with this unrest:
With only a slight change in operational structuring, we could, if desired, just settle and become an edgy little dormitory. By this I mean that we could ditch the community ideal almost completely and settle for just enough involvement with each other to keep the communal spaces clean and people comfortable.
OR
As some have suggested, we could work towards reviving the very personal, intimate, loving, honest, and sometimes painful pursuit of living and actively engaging each other.
What we have to do is decide whether or not this community is one that is currently fulfilling its purpose or if we each need to invest more, or perhaps in different ways, to pursue something beyond Atangards current culture.
I left empty handed and bike-less last weekend, refusing to compromise my understanding of its worth and my vision for it. I still need to find that bike, the one that is fit to purchase and pursue. For us residents, we live here, in downtown Abbotsford, on the second floor of the Fraser Valley Inn. Fortunately, we’ve already found a community that we value and have justified our involvement in. Do we choose to keep this place as is, discontinue any significant investment and ride it out until its broken; or do we continue the pursuit to change it into something beautiful, a shared vision of community in which we all equally partake?
This decision, or the like, each one of us will have to make and continually pursue.
Hopefully we can do so in unity.
Love,
jordan
Last Saturday, a friend and I made our way to a local antique hotspot in search of my future two-wheeled beauty. We found an old grey twelve speed that had potential if I could get it for the right price. The right price, however, was low, since I would have had to spend a lot of money making it into want I really wanted: it was an old, heavy, twelve speed rather than a freshly painted, light, fixed gear. I took the fully functioning bike to its owner and asked how much he wanted for it. As it was, he wanted quite a lot more than I was willing to pay. Our disagreement over the value of the bike was very obvious. I saw the bike as one that would require a significant post-purchase investment, and he saw the bike as is, being in perfectly good operational shape. Neither of us was right or wrong, it’s just that we had very different opinions about what the future of the bike should be, which in turn affected our opinion about the bikes current worth.
Recently, my thoughts regarding community living have occupied a sizable amount of mental real estate. I’ve been wondering what, in a practical sense, community living should look like. Further, I’ve tried to remember what people had initially hoped living here would be like and then attempted to compare those initial expectations with, after a years time, what we now experience. It seems, especially after the last house meeting, that we have been struggling in many ways as a community. Let me suggest two possible ways to deal with this unrest:
With only a slight change in operational structuring, we could, if desired, just settle and become an edgy little dormitory. By this I mean that we could ditch the community ideal almost completely and settle for just enough involvement with each other to keep the communal spaces clean and people comfortable.
OR
As some have suggested, we could work towards reviving the very personal, intimate, loving, honest, and sometimes painful pursuit of living and actively engaging each other.
What we have to do is decide whether or not this community is one that is currently fulfilling its purpose or if we each need to invest more, or perhaps in different ways, to pursue something beyond Atangards current culture.
I left empty handed and bike-less last weekend, refusing to compromise my understanding of its worth and my vision for it. I still need to find that bike, the one that is fit to purchase and pursue. For us residents, we live here, in downtown Abbotsford, on the second floor of the Fraser Valley Inn. Fortunately, we’ve already found a community that we value and have justified our involvement in. Do we choose to keep this place as is, discontinue any significant investment and ride it out until its broken; or do we continue the pursuit to change it into something beautiful, a shared vision of community in which we all equally partake?
This decision, or the like, each one of us will have to make and continually pursue.
Hopefully we can do so in unity.
Love,
jordan
Monday, August 23, 2010
The eye of the storm
It seems that conflict and controversy have visited us at long last. It has in my opinion been long overdue. We have had one fairly sleepy, fairly easy year. I have no grid by which to measure our journey, and sometimes I think of more common life's examples, though they are quite different. I have heard the first year of marriage is the hardest. I expected this year to be harder. It is interesting that things arise exactly to date on the one year anniversary of this place. Once again I feel that a point of celebration is being downplayed by the arising of another challenge.
So conflict, though our enemy, and a point of discomfort, is not necessarily a bad thing. It is through these things which we will allow to either destroy us, or make us stronger. I hope that we choose to honor one another over ourselves. That we choose to deal with root issues and not push things below the surface. That we will be honest and vulnerable with one another.
An easy relationship carries no depth or solidarity. It is meaningless. It is only based on convenience.
This is a point where we choose what we want, and what is important to us. My friends, lets think about this.
I hope for myself that I can find the strength, humility, and wisdom to help navigate us through this storm. One year in and I feel my energy fading. I do not know how to make this lifestyle sustainable. I used to consider myself a fairly level-headed even keel person. I never understood how some people could live their lives in a constant state of drama. It seems as of late that I am consistently bouncing between one emotionally induced state to another. I don't know if I have become hyper-sensitive, or if I am placed in an emotional epicenter.
I will leave us with this. It is our action that will change things - not overprocessing. Time will tell the outcome.
Happy One Year.
Sophia
So conflict, though our enemy, and a point of discomfort, is not necessarily a bad thing. It is through these things which we will allow to either destroy us, or make us stronger. I hope that we choose to honor one another over ourselves. That we choose to deal with root issues and not push things below the surface. That we will be honest and vulnerable with one another.
An easy relationship carries no depth or solidarity. It is meaningless. It is only based on convenience.
This is a point where we choose what we want, and what is important to us. My friends, lets think about this.
I hope for myself that I can find the strength, humility, and wisdom to help navigate us through this storm. One year in and I feel my energy fading. I do not know how to make this lifestyle sustainable. I used to consider myself a fairly level-headed even keel person. I never understood how some people could live their lives in a constant state of drama. It seems as of late that I am consistently bouncing between one emotionally induced state to another. I don't know if I have become hyper-sensitive, or if I am placed in an emotional epicenter.
I will leave us with this. It is our action that will change things - not overprocessing. Time will tell the outcome.
Happy One Year.
Sophia
Monday, July 26, 2010
Jimmying.
It has been too much time between the genesis of this thought and my writing it down to trace it to its origin. Whatever it was that spurred it - perhaps my endless perusing of home blogs in search of room inspiration and fascination with space or flipping through a magazine or walking down the street - I was struck.
The thought: here, at Atangard, we have an "ours". The birth of this realization must have begun while looking at someone's else's home, with the beginning of envy or longing for their "ours". Mid step, it was halted by what is in front of me daily. The wooden floors I know so well - these days it always my bare feet which walk down the hallways, bringing a more intimate acquaintance than winter's woolen socked barrier. Fingertips brushing textured walls, doors which need a little jimmying and the tens upon tens of quirks that our top floor roost holds.
When you inhabit a place, it is hard to see clearly how you have marked it and it you. However, when someone unknown enters, the sense of home and comfort dwelling along with all our sweaty bodies is palpable. It is also a place to return to - from Vancouver, Southeast Asia, or a season of treeplanting. It took some time, but after the bustle of coming and going, the quiet summer I anticipated has come to rest on Atangard. I cherish it. Yet, I am nearly ready for the return of so many gone, for the marks they have left here to be accompanied once again by their beating hearts and wild laughter.
This "ours" is a gift. Not one of ownership, but of refuge.
The wiser I become, the more grateful I become. I have been attempting to be diligent in recording on film this time, this place, these people. It is a time to be lived deeply. Presently. Joyfully. Here are some shots of our home.
-Elizabeth Ashton
The thought: here, at Atangard, we have an "ours". The birth of this realization must have begun while looking at someone's else's home, with the beginning of envy or longing for their "ours". Mid step, it was halted by what is in front of me daily. The wooden floors I know so well - these days it always my bare feet which walk down the hallways, bringing a more intimate acquaintance than winter's woolen socked barrier. Fingertips brushing textured walls, doors which need a little jimmying and the tens upon tens of quirks that our top floor roost holds.
When you inhabit a place, it is hard to see clearly how you have marked it and it you. However, when someone unknown enters, the sense of home and comfort dwelling along with all our sweaty bodies is palpable. It is also a place to return to - from Vancouver, Southeast Asia, or a season of treeplanting. It took some time, but after the bustle of coming and going, the quiet summer I anticipated has come to rest on Atangard. I cherish it. Yet, I am nearly ready for the return of so many gone, for the marks they have left here to be accompanied once again by their beating hearts and wild laughter.
This "ours" is a gift. Not one of ownership, but of refuge.
The wiser I become, the more grateful I become. I have been attempting to be diligent in recording on film this time, this place, these people. It is a time to be lived deeply. Presently. Joyfully. Here are some shots of our home.
-Elizabeth Ashton
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Atanetizer
It’s been just over a month since I wrote my first cheque for $450 made out to the “Atangard Community Project”. I am now in Prince George planting trees for the next 3 months, with the taste of community still lingering, enticing me to focus on the post-season main course: 9 more months living in downtown Abby.
I felt like my leaving home was a celebration of past reflection and anticipation. Around this time, several of us are going our separate ways - many are leaving to traipse around the world, others are seasonal workers, and those who are staying will have a unique experience of there own – though what we all share is our excitement for the last month of summer, when we all return to share our dog days.
My month long community hors d'oeuvre has been a unique and enlivening experience. It has been warm, loving, and best of all [in my opinion] it has been shared. That being said, it hasn’t all been fairytales and farts. Living with so many people, so many personalities; it has been occasionally quite a balancing act trying to acquaint myself with everyone’s habits, values, and humour. Fortunately, living in community has proven to be rather forgiving, which is great for someone like myself who can be frustratingly stubborn in adapting to others.
Of course, a community in a city the size of Abbotsford doesn’t consist of only 20 or so people. It is worth mentioning how friends and family have been involved and how they have blessed the people who live here. On behalf of my own experience, I appreciate my friends and family who have chosen to spend time with me and my housemates. All of you who invest in our lives here are the icing on the community cake, and are deeply loved. I can’t wait to return home and spend time with all of you!
However, before this happens I have a summer in the bush to get through. Over the past few days I have been reunited with dear friends who I have known every summer for over a half a decade. I am looking forward to my summer friends, my planting camp: my seasonal community mistress. As I fondly think of all of my ‘roommates’ soon to be scattered all over the world, and those who are staying home holding down the fort, I continue to live life in reflection and anticipation of the community I currently find myself in, as well as the one that I will return to.
Love,
~jordan
I felt like my leaving home was a celebration of past reflection and anticipation. Around this time, several of us are going our separate ways - many are leaving to traipse around the world, others are seasonal workers, and those who are staying will have a unique experience of there own – though what we all share is our excitement for the last month of summer, when we all return to share our dog days.
My month long community hors d'oeuvre has been a unique and enlivening experience. It has been warm, loving, and best of all [in my opinion] it has been shared. That being said, it hasn’t all been fairytales and farts. Living with so many people, so many personalities; it has been occasionally quite a balancing act trying to acquaint myself with everyone’s habits, values, and humour. Fortunately, living in community has proven to be rather forgiving, which is great for someone like myself who can be frustratingly stubborn in adapting to others.
Of course, a community in a city the size of Abbotsford doesn’t consist of only 20 or so people. It is worth mentioning how friends and family have been involved and how they have blessed the people who live here. On behalf of my own experience, I appreciate my friends and family who have chosen to spend time with me and my housemates. All of you who invest in our lives here are the icing on the community cake, and are deeply loved. I can’t wait to return home and spend time with all of you!
However, before this happens I have a summer in the bush to get through. Over the past few days I have been reunited with dear friends who I have known every summer for over a half a decade. I am looking forward to my summer friends, my planting camp: my seasonal community mistress. As I fondly think of all of my ‘roommates’ soon to be scattered all over the world, and those who are staying home holding down the fort, I continue to live life in reflection and anticipation of the community I currently find myself in, as well as the one that I will return to.
Love,
~jordan
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Bullet Train to Lake Titicaca
Sometimes I worry that our society is heading down a path that seems too fast and smooth. Are we steadily climbing the hill of progress with out really knowing where it goes?
Perhaps its like a train heading up a hill with the tracks ending in a lake on the otherside.... for those of us that know this, there are three options:
Take over the engine room and slow it down/send it on a different path
(the reason why I am involved in Green Party politics)
Take over the brake room and bring the train to a halt
(the reason I study and believe in anarchism)
Build flotation devices for our train car so that we can unhitch from those that didnt when we hit the lake and turn our train into a boat.
(the reason why I am involved in Atangard)
The middle one is the most violent and socially jarring, the first one is the most difficult and the last... well we still end up in the lake.
Can we act within our social circles and within the limitations of our selfishness to look beyond our community and grades, families and careers to things that are lasting?
You could say this is a spiritual ideology but it is also a earthy earthly one.
Lets build some floats, support those who want to take over the Engine room and pay attention when a few "fringe" activists want to break into the the brake room.
yes it is dan....
of course who else
Perhaps its like a train heading up a hill with the tracks ending in a lake on the otherside.... for those of us that know this, there are three options:
Take over the engine room and slow it down/send it on a different path
(the reason why I am involved in Green Party politics)
Take over the brake room and bring the train to a halt
(the reason I study and believe in anarchism)
Build flotation devices for our train car so that we can unhitch from those that didnt when we hit the lake and turn our train into a boat.
(the reason why I am involved in Atangard)
The middle one is the most violent and socially jarring, the first one is the most difficult and the last... well we still end up in the lake.
Can we act within our social circles and within the limitations of our selfishness to look beyond our community and grades, families and careers to things that are lasting?
You could say this is a spiritual ideology but it is also a earthy earthly one.
Lets build some floats, support those who want to take over the Engine room and pay attention when a few "fringe" activists want to break into the the brake room.
yes it is dan....
of course who else
Thursday, April 1, 2010
It was the best of times and the worst of times
It's one year today since we acquired the keys and started renovations. Six months that we've been living here. Dad and I were recounting it the other day. He said that it was up there with some of the most challenging things he'd ever done in his life. Actually, it was second on the list only to overcoming his period of illness. This challenge was definitely the most trying that I have ever faced, mind you I am a lot younger than he. Often in the midst of the overwhelming chaos I could only see what was right in front of me, the next thing to be done. There was never a moment to celebrate because each small victory lead to another obligatory duty. All this to say, I had only a very vague hope of what the future, what living together would look like. Actually, I did not really plan what I thought it would look like, I only had a hope that it would work out. That there would be interest enough to fill our rooms, and that it would be an enriching experience for its duration.
And now we find ourselves here.
Sometimes I find myself still amazed that it actually came to be. That we are actually living in the Fraser Valley Inn. How strange it is. And sometimes I find myself absolutely overwhelmed by the goodness of things that I had never dared to imagine in my hopeful anticipation. Some dinners when our dining room is full of housemates and friends and good food and conversation, my heart is full. Sometimes after a directors meeting I feel blessed to have a depth of relationship to know these good people so fully, to have them work with and if need be, to fight with as well.
And then there are other times that seem somewhat surreal. I think that those are the events when you are truly caught off-guard. The impromptu peter pan dance party, Annie's dinners, having The Geese come and play for us, and last night with Karen playing her harp and Ron speaking - these are times I will cherish.
In tension to this. I will say that it was one endeavor that pushed me beyond my capacity and at times still does. There are times when I am socially overwhelmed. There are times when I am so frustrated by messes and dirty dishes. And times when I just need to retreat to my room and try and find my peace. But I think that the hardest things in life are the most rewarding, and so I am content and grateful to be here to learn and live.
Sophie
And now we find ourselves here.
Sometimes I find myself still amazed that it actually came to be. That we are actually living in the Fraser Valley Inn. How strange it is. And sometimes I find myself absolutely overwhelmed by the goodness of things that I had never dared to imagine in my hopeful anticipation. Some dinners when our dining room is full of housemates and friends and good food and conversation, my heart is full. Sometimes after a directors meeting I feel blessed to have a depth of relationship to know these good people so fully, to have them work with and if need be, to fight with as well.
And then there are other times that seem somewhat surreal. I think that those are the events when you are truly caught off-guard. The impromptu peter pan dance party, Annie's dinners, having The Geese come and play for us, and last night with Karen playing her harp and Ron speaking - these are times I will cherish.
In tension to this. I will say that it was one endeavor that pushed me beyond my capacity and at times still does. There are times when I am socially overwhelmed. There are times when I am so frustrated by messes and dirty dishes. And times when I just need to retreat to my room and try and find my peace. But I think that the hardest things in life are the most rewarding, and so I am content and grateful to be here to learn and live.
Sophie
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
A Little Clarity Perhaps
This blog was originally meant as a sounding board for a group of people who were trying to discover how they could bring about positive change in their community. If this is your first introduction to the Atangard Community Project Society you should be made aware that this blog does not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of the Society itself but rather the individual opinions of our members. Though there is significant spiritual/religious content from the various contributors the ACP Society is a completely secular organization.
That said, most cultures around the world have some spiritual component that acts as a motivating factor and Abbotsford has a prolific and deep connection with the Christian tradition. With that in mind it is not a surprise that many of the people involved in this project were and are Christians.
If some of the content in here offends you we are sorry, it was not the intent, they are merely personal opinions and reflections. The community of Atangard is full of different world-views and backgrounds and we hope to increase that diversity overtime. We do not want to push people away from the important concept of community because it is associated with an ideology that they disagree with; conversely we do not wish to censor individual opinions.
When you read the entries in this blog treat them as you would a conversation you over-hear in a coffee-shop, one you might contribute to, one you may not agree with everything that is said, but one that has a central theme you can also be passionate about.
Welcome to our community!
That said, most cultures around the world have some spiritual component that acts as a motivating factor and Abbotsford has a prolific and deep connection with the Christian tradition. With that in mind it is not a surprise that many of the people involved in this project were and are Christians.
If some of the content in here offends you we are sorry, it was not the intent, they are merely personal opinions and reflections. The community of Atangard is full of different world-views and backgrounds and we hope to increase that diversity overtime. We do not want to push people away from the important concept of community because it is associated with an ideology that they disagree with; conversely we do not wish to censor individual opinions.
When you read the entries in this blog treat them as you would a conversation you over-hear in a coffee-shop, one you might contribute to, one you may not agree with everything that is said, but one that has a central theme you can also be passionate about.
Welcome to our community!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Community Living: An Answer to Poverty?
Last night I attended a forum in which various local organizations addressed the issue of poverty in Abbotsford. These organizations included – The Salvation Army, Abbotsford Community Services, Warm Zone, and Atangard Community Project – the last of which was embodied by Dan Bryce. Representatives from each of these organizations were part of a panel where they explained the various philosophies and projects that they were involved in.
To be quite honest, as my eyes shifted from left to right, focused on the panel members, I paused to consider the last. What was Dan doing here? A.C.P. seemed to be a little out of place compared to the others who were all on the ‘front line’ fighting poverty on the streets of Abbotsford.
As the night went on, the other three spoke of various ‘grassroots’ initiatives related to housing, education, employment, food and shelter, however, when the floor was open to A.C.P., Dan had seemingly little relevant to say. I couldn’t figure out why Atangard was even up there.
When I came to this forum I was expecting discussion to be centered on a mix of ideological opinion and practical solutions regarding poverty and I couldn’t see where our community fit in. Yet before the evening was over the significance of ‘community’ in the fight against the social and economic issues surrounding poverty became clear.
After the groups were finished introducing themselves and what they do, the forum turned into a discussion between the panel and the audience. It was at this time that I started to notice a common theme that all four organizations shared. This theme was community. It became apparent that ‘community living’ was a shared practical and philosophical solution in dealing with as well as preventing poverty.
Heading into this forum, I failed to recognize the importance of community living as a healthy model to address the social and economic factors that contribute to, and facilitate poverty. In terms of economics, poverty is a problem because not all of us can afford the high costs of living. During conversation, Darla Sparrow had said that someone on a low income or assistance budget might get something like $900 a month and that rent for a one bedroom living space in Abbotsford starts at around $600/month. This leaves an impossible and extremely unrealistic budget of $300 or less for food, transportation, and the various other monthly expenses.
If you already live at Atangard then you know this, but for those who don’t, A.C.P provides not just affordable housing, but an arrangement that allows those who live there to share the costs of food, internet, and transportation. Community living can make it possible for people to not only cut the costs of living, but also to make the cost of living a sustainable figure.
The social issue of ‘isolation’ was said to be a huge hurdle for those trying to get off of the streets. Even if a program provided the monetary resources to get someone into a home (or into a generally better living situation), in order for it to be a lasting solution it would also have to ensure that the individuals were part of a positive and supportive community. If a program failed to offer this community aspect, then any progress made usually ended up being regressive and futile.
Community living, though at times frustrating and full of compromise, provides the emotional and relational support that we all need in order to deal with simple and complex social problems. As well, community living amputates our tendency to marginalize and separate ourselves from the well being of others, an affinity which I believe enables us to carry on lives lacking social consciousness.
This is how I’ve come to understand the importance of community living and its potential as a healthy and practical solution to poverty. However, community living is a unique practice in our part of the world and it will take a lot to catch on.
So, what can we who are currently living at Atangard do? Well we all, to some degree, realize the value of living in community or else we wouldn’t be here. I believe that it will be those who call Atangard home, the people who have already jumped on the community-living band wagon; we will influence those around us, and ultimately the majority, to make an ideological shift to a heightened sense of social consciousness. We should share our experience here in fellowship with others, and perhaps more importantly, continue promoting community living in some way, shape or form above and beyond our time here.
After the forum was over, I left feeling that Dan’s presence on that panel was warranted and justified.
What do you think?
~jordan andrew
To be quite honest, as my eyes shifted from left to right, focused on the panel members, I paused to consider the last. What was Dan doing here? A.C.P. seemed to be a little out of place compared to the others who were all on the ‘front line’ fighting poverty on the streets of Abbotsford.
As the night went on, the other three spoke of various ‘grassroots’ initiatives related to housing, education, employment, food and shelter, however, when the floor was open to A.C.P., Dan had seemingly little relevant to say. I couldn’t figure out why Atangard was even up there.
When I came to this forum I was expecting discussion to be centered on a mix of ideological opinion and practical solutions regarding poverty and I couldn’t see where our community fit in. Yet before the evening was over the significance of ‘community’ in the fight against the social and economic issues surrounding poverty became clear.
After the groups were finished introducing themselves and what they do, the forum turned into a discussion between the panel and the audience. It was at this time that I started to notice a common theme that all four organizations shared. This theme was community. It became apparent that ‘community living’ was a shared practical and philosophical solution in dealing with as well as preventing poverty.
Heading into this forum, I failed to recognize the importance of community living as a healthy model to address the social and economic factors that contribute to, and facilitate poverty. In terms of economics, poverty is a problem because not all of us can afford the high costs of living. During conversation, Darla Sparrow had said that someone on a low income or assistance budget might get something like $900 a month and that rent for a one bedroom living space in Abbotsford starts at around $600/month. This leaves an impossible and extremely unrealistic budget of $300 or less for food, transportation, and the various other monthly expenses.
If you already live at Atangard then you know this, but for those who don’t, A.C.P provides not just affordable housing, but an arrangement that allows those who live there to share the costs of food, internet, and transportation. Community living can make it possible for people to not only cut the costs of living, but also to make the cost of living a sustainable figure.
The social issue of ‘isolation’ was said to be a huge hurdle for those trying to get off of the streets. Even if a program provided the monetary resources to get someone into a home (or into a generally better living situation), in order for it to be a lasting solution it would also have to ensure that the individuals were part of a positive and supportive community. If a program failed to offer this community aspect, then any progress made usually ended up being regressive and futile.
Community living, though at times frustrating and full of compromise, provides the emotional and relational support that we all need in order to deal with simple and complex social problems. As well, community living amputates our tendency to marginalize and separate ourselves from the well being of others, an affinity which I believe enables us to carry on lives lacking social consciousness.
This is how I’ve come to understand the importance of community living and its potential as a healthy and practical solution to poverty. However, community living is a unique practice in our part of the world and it will take a lot to catch on.
So, what can we who are currently living at Atangard do? Well we all, to some degree, realize the value of living in community or else we wouldn’t be here. I believe that it will be those who call Atangard home, the people who have already jumped on the community-living band wagon; we will influence those around us, and ultimately the majority, to make an ideological shift to a heightened sense of social consciousness. We should share our experience here in fellowship with others, and perhaps more importantly, continue promoting community living in some way, shape or form above and beyond our time here.
After the forum was over, I left feeling that Dan’s presence on that panel was warranted and justified.
What do you think?
~jordan andrew
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