Monday, November 15, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Why I decided to live in community.
Why did I decide to live in community?
I don't understand fully why this question is so hard for me to answer. After rewriting this afew times, I finally decided to dig through old journals to see what I was writing about, (back when i had time/made time) to write more, thinking this might jarg some old memories of when I first started thinking about community. What I found? So many prayers to God about loneliness. So much passion and eagerness at the thought of community. I have prayer after prayer written out about this community experience I so desired. What I most desired was meaningful relationships...tons of them. I guess at the time, I couldnt imagine anything better then having a quiver full of friends!
I began to experience small doses of community after a very lonely and somewhat depression high school experience (although I was pretty good a faking it to everyone but my family). I went away after school to bible school and met this really awesome girl (whome, most of you now know, yes the one and only Elizabeth Ashton) who became one of my first real and dearest friends. She was also the only friend I made at bible school, as I was a recluse, as in.. afraid of people. She spoke a lot of truth into my life that betrayed some of the lies I believed about myself, and not only that, but she was a friend to me. This, however, is not the beginnings of community I was referring to, just a little bit of preface.
I don't imagine you want to read about all the events in my life that lead up to me being involved in atangard, so I will try very hard to relay a concise overview because it all has everything to do with how I decided I wanted to live in community.
After coming home from bible school I went to california to hangout with Sofe for 10 days, (who was also at bible school) and encountered a community of people who blew my mind. There were a ton of people in the early to mid 20's living in different houses, and they were family. Not family by blood, but family by nessecity. And in those 10 days they took me in as part of their family. This was my second encounter with people I really believed sincerely liked me. (yes, i definitly had some self esteem issues) This inspired me. I went home and decided to start something to get people together...make some friends. Thursday night, art night. People started show'n up at my parents house. We couldnt get enough of eachother! We started having themed dinner parties and breakfast clubs. Art nights were less and less about art, and more about hang'n out and talking till all hours. By this time, I was getting used to the idea that people sometimes liked me. This was also about the times when I started to get a taste of some of the challenges of community.
Beth wrote me something that rung so true to me, "Being a Loner is easier...investing yourself in conversation with people you meet one night and quite possibly will never meet again...its easier to be a bright shining moment then in someones life day in and day out. So where do you go when your shining moment lingers, but begins to fade...and the shining moment becomes a ghost- ready to be blown away- to vanish..". I read that and it still rings true to me, the more people I invite into my life, the more complicated it becomes (Lets be honest, humanity can be pretty messy at times).
I decided to end art night eventually because we werent really doing art anymore, so we could just hang out without a label. I ended up moving out with a friend around that time, and after 6 months, my roomate got married, and I lured afew friends to take her place. 5 roomates in a 2 bedroom apartment. It was during this time when the idea of atangard began to form and materialize. Atangard happened just in time in my opinion. With such tight quaters our living situation wasnt sustainable.
I suppose living in community was a disicion I made at some point, but I mostly feel, after giving it much thought, that it was my only option, because I didnt want the alternative. I don't think I could have fully understood the cost of living in community (ive briefly illuded to the fact that living in community hasnt been all bike rides and hula hooping), but I am very grateful that I am here. There is so much to learn here with my 26 roomates. So many parties to plan and freak'n awesome people i have the ultmate privilage to get to know. So much Im learning about myself (ulgh, the good the bad and the ugly), and so much to learn about God and my utter need for Him. I believe that God intended us to live more relationally then how our society has modeled. So for now, this is me give'n a crack at it... in all my humanity.
I don't understand fully why this question is so hard for me to answer. After rewriting this afew times, I finally decided to dig through old journals to see what I was writing about, (back when i had time/made time) to write more, thinking this might jarg some old memories of when I first started thinking about community. What I found? So many prayers to God about loneliness. So much passion and eagerness at the thought of community. I have prayer after prayer written out about this community experience I so desired. What I most desired was meaningful relationships...tons of them. I guess at the time, I couldnt imagine anything better then having a quiver full of friends!
I began to experience small doses of community after a very lonely and somewhat depression high school experience (although I was pretty good a faking it to everyone but my family). I went away after school to bible school and met this really awesome girl (whome, most of you now know, yes the one and only Elizabeth Ashton) who became one of my first real and dearest friends. She was also the only friend I made at bible school, as I was a recluse, as in.. afraid of people. She spoke a lot of truth into my life that betrayed some of the lies I believed about myself, and not only that, but she was a friend to me. This, however, is not the beginnings of community I was referring to, just a little bit of preface.
I don't imagine you want to read about all the events in my life that lead up to me being involved in atangard, so I will try very hard to relay a concise overview because it all has everything to do with how I decided I wanted to live in community.
After coming home from bible school I went to california to hangout with Sofe for 10 days, (who was also at bible school) and encountered a community of people who blew my mind. There were a ton of people in the early to mid 20's living in different houses, and they were family. Not family by blood, but family by nessecity. And in those 10 days they took me in as part of their family. This was my second encounter with people I really believed sincerely liked me. (yes, i definitly had some self esteem issues) This inspired me. I went home and decided to start something to get people together...make some friends. Thursday night, art night. People started show'n up at my parents house. We couldnt get enough of eachother! We started having themed dinner parties and breakfast clubs. Art nights were less and less about art, and more about hang'n out and talking till all hours. By this time, I was getting used to the idea that people sometimes liked me. This was also about the times when I started to get a taste of some of the challenges of community.
Beth wrote me something that rung so true to me, "Being a Loner is easier...investing yourself in conversation with people you meet one night and quite possibly will never meet again...its easier to be a bright shining moment then in someones life day in and day out. So where do you go when your shining moment lingers, but begins to fade...and the shining moment becomes a ghost- ready to be blown away- to vanish..". I read that and it still rings true to me, the more people I invite into my life, the more complicated it becomes (Lets be honest, humanity can be pretty messy at times).
I decided to end art night eventually because we werent really doing art anymore, so we could just hang out without a label. I ended up moving out with a friend around that time, and after 6 months, my roomate got married, and I lured afew friends to take her place. 5 roomates in a 2 bedroom apartment. It was during this time when the idea of atangard began to form and materialize. Atangard happened just in time in my opinion. With such tight quaters our living situation wasnt sustainable.
I suppose living in community was a disicion I made at some point, but I mostly feel, after giving it much thought, that it was my only option, because I didnt want the alternative. I don't think I could have fully understood the cost of living in community (ive briefly illuded to the fact that living in community hasnt been all bike rides and hula hooping), but I am very grateful that I am here. There is so much to learn here with my 26 roomates. So many parties to plan and freak'n awesome people i have the ultmate privilage to get to know. So much Im learning about myself (ulgh, the good the bad and the ugly), and so much to learn about God and my utter need for Him. I believe that God intended us to live more relationally then how our society has modeled. So for now, this is me give'n a crack at it... in all my humanity.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
...
By now, some of you that follow this blog have picked up on the most recent theme of our posts. Those who we have looked to for wisdom beyond these brick walls have posed the following questions to our community leaders: why do you live and invest in Atangard and what makes it worth it to you? These questions and the like are what we are seeking to answer in our most recent entries.
When I first got involved in this community I did so with no intention of becoming a resident. My first motive was to get involved because I had friends who where excited and implicated. My second was probably the prospect of new friendships. As well, at the time I was unemployed and awaiting summer work, so I had an ample amount of time that needed to be occupied (which was, thanks to the renovation process). After I got involved and started to experience the passion and excitement of those around me, I too started to look ahead in anticipation of this downtown community.
Nine months later, however, I moved in and six months after that I stepped into a position as a director. At that point, mostly do to the responses that I had received from those I spoke to regarding this project, I realized that it was different and special, and possibly a bit counter cultural. Being a fairly social, 24 year old sociology student, the idea of living in a communal setting with well over 20 people was extremely attractive. Further still, after being asked if I wanted to become a director, I did so because I thought it would be a good way to involve myself.
I think it is important to mention that I have been physically absent from the community for 4 of the 7 months that I have been a resident. During this time, I had been left with a similar ideal and understanding of the community as I did when I was first involved. And now, after living here for the past few months, amongst many who have been here since the beginning, I find myself with an ambiguous understanding of community living.
Perhaps, it may be helpful to compare my own position living here with that of the Christian walk of faith. When one becomes a Christian, it seems, there is much passion for a relationship with Christ and a desire to pursue a godly life; however, there may be a severe lack of understanding in how this relationship should play out. Of course, one is expected to mature and grow in their faith so that they may have a more holistic grasp on what it means to be in a relationship with Christ. This is where I find myself in the ethos of community living. I have the desire to pursue living in this community, but, I am still trying to work out what it entails.
I feel like my situation may not be an isolated one. I think that many others who live here are in a similar position or at least share different (and possibly conflicting) ideas regarding community living. Out of this I have two current, overarching reasons for investing in this place.
1.I am at a loss for a proper and holistic understanding of what community living is, why it is valuable, why it is so difficult, and what learned here can transcend our specific situation and help us consider the world around us and our relationship with God. I hope that living here will help me grow in this respect and I feel that since I live here and participate in leadership, it is my responsibility to do so. This conviction I find is in harmony with a verse in the book of James: `Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly` (James 3:1).
2.I am falling in love with those whom I share this space and experience. There is something to be said about the power of the physical to bring people together. For me, this building and the relationships it sponsors has the ability to promote spiritual connections between people, similar to that of shared genetics within a family. I hope to one day leave this place, forever affected by my experience here, taking with me many lasting relationships.
These are the most important reasons why I live and invest in this place and why this investment is worth the next few years of my life.
When I first got involved in this community I did so with no intention of becoming a resident. My first motive was to get involved because I had friends who where excited and implicated. My second was probably the prospect of new friendships. As well, at the time I was unemployed and awaiting summer work, so I had an ample amount of time that needed to be occupied (which was, thanks to the renovation process). After I got involved and started to experience the passion and excitement of those around me, I too started to look ahead in anticipation of this downtown community.
Nine months later, however, I moved in and six months after that I stepped into a position as a director. At that point, mostly do to the responses that I had received from those I spoke to regarding this project, I realized that it was different and special, and possibly a bit counter cultural. Being a fairly social, 24 year old sociology student, the idea of living in a communal setting with well over 20 people was extremely attractive. Further still, after being asked if I wanted to become a director, I did so because I thought it would be a good way to involve myself.
I think it is important to mention that I have been physically absent from the community for 4 of the 7 months that I have been a resident. During this time, I had been left with a similar ideal and understanding of the community as I did when I was first involved. And now, after living here for the past few months, amongst many who have been here since the beginning, I find myself with an ambiguous understanding of community living.
Perhaps, it may be helpful to compare my own position living here with that of the Christian walk of faith. When one becomes a Christian, it seems, there is much passion for a relationship with Christ and a desire to pursue a godly life; however, there may be a severe lack of understanding in how this relationship should play out. Of course, one is expected to mature and grow in their faith so that they may have a more holistic grasp on what it means to be in a relationship with Christ. This is where I find myself in the ethos of community living. I have the desire to pursue living in this community, but, I am still trying to work out what it entails.
I feel like my situation may not be an isolated one. I think that many others who live here are in a similar position or at least share different (and possibly conflicting) ideas regarding community living. Out of this I have two current, overarching reasons for investing in this place.
1.I am at a loss for a proper and holistic understanding of what community living is, why it is valuable, why it is so difficult, and what learned here can transcend our specific situation and help us consider the world around us and our relationship with God. I hope that living here will help me grow in this respect and I feel that since I live here and participate in leadership, it is my responsibility to do so. This conviction I find is in harmony with a verse in the book of James: `Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly` (James 3:1).
2.I am falling in love with those whom I share this space and experience. There is something to be said about the power of the physical to bring people together. For me, this building and the relationships it sponsors has the ability to promote spiritual connections between people, similar to that of shared genetics within a family. I hope to one day leave this place, forever affected by my experience here, taking with me many lasting relationships.
These are the most important reasons why I live and invest in this place and why this investment is worth the next few years of my life.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
What Does Atangard Mean to Me?
If I was asked that question two or three years ago, the answer would have been quite different. Of course not unrecognizably so, but removed enough that one could be forgiven for thinking I was speaking of a different place. In a sense I was.... Atangard is no longer that attractive, exciting, intangible ideal that was developing in the fall of 2007 and is now a somewhat mundane reality. Not that it is boring; Oh by no means! Rather it is no longer cerebral, it has become very physical. To put it another way, for me in this past year Atangard has gone from almost completely philosophical to nearly entirely practical. Don't get me wrong, I would not change a moment of this reality to return to those days of imagining it, but I do miss those days.
I guess in order to describe accurately what Atangard means to me now, I must reconcile it with what it was to me in the past and what I want it to be in the future. I will try to do that in a single phrase but it will be at the expense of all the other ideas, actions and relationships that make up the essence of Atangard.
What Atangard was to me: A place where the current social trend of isolationism and individualism will be countered.
What Atangard is to me: A place where strangers become friends and we learn to love people despite our selfishness.
What I Want Atangard to be: A place where people's passions are shared by others in both thought and action.
Of course just because I was, doesn't mean it is that no longer nor just because I desire it for the future is it not here and now, yet this is where i feel the mindset of the majority lies right now and where I want it to go.
I guess in order to describe accurately what Atangard means to me now, I must reconcile it with what it was to me in the past and what I want it to be in the future. I will try to do that in a single phrase but it will be at the expense of all the other ideas, actions and relationships that make up the essence of Atangard.
What Atangard was to me: A place where the current social trend of isolationism and individualism will be countered.
What Atangard is to me: A place where strangers become friends and we learn to love people despite our selfishness.
What I Want Atangard to be: A place where people's passions are shared by others in both thought and action.
Of course just because I was, doesn't mean it is that no longer nor just because I desire it for the future is it not here and now, yet this is where i feel the mindset of the majority lies right now and where I want it to go.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Revisit the Reasons
Over the past year, two years, three years, people have asked why are you doing this. I've always had an answer, it sometimes changes. Or maybe there are so many reasons that it seems my answer changes, but it is actually only part of the whole. But as of late it has come up again. It is something that Ron Dart and Father Michael emphasized, and in trying times it is something that I ask myself. Why am I doing this. It's good to revisit. It's good to be certain. So here are some of my reasons.
When I moved home from California, I didn't really have any friends. Maybe a few. When your that far removed, you don't even really know where to find some like-minded folk. I realized that the strongest relationships I had were with people I'd lived with. Vonnegut said it well. “What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
Reason #1. To create a place that can facilitate real and lasting relationships. Exposure to new and different people. A home to welcome others.
When I came home from traveling I hated how our lives were built around aquiring stuff, building our career, and independence.
Reason #2. To fight the American dream, the culture of independence and self-promotion. To be able to live for less to save money and time to be able to put into relationships, art, music, and other endeavors. To create a culture that is alive, people that take risks and try new things.
These are perhaps the main reasons. The "ideal" that I hold onto. I love it when I look over these things and recognize how different aspects of it are being fulfilled. There is always more room for growth and change.
For me personally. I have found some 'like-minded folk." Sometimes it seems like I may have found more non-like-minded folk, but that is okay. Thats the exposure to different people. I've met and gotten to know many wonderful people, be it residents, short term visitors, long term visitors and those in the neighborhood. And I've gotten to engage in different projects just for kicks, utilizing the talents and interests of many of these wonderful people. I am excited to see what else takes place in these next years.
When I moved home from California, I didn't really have any friends. Maybe a few. When your that far removed, you don't even really know where to find some like-minded folk. I realized that the strongest relationships I had were with people I'd lived with. Vonnegut said it well. “What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
Reason #1. To create a place that can facilitate real and lasting relationships. Exposure to new and different people. A home to welcome others.
When I came home from traveling I hated how our lives were built around aquiring stuff, building our career, and independence.
Reason #2. To fight the American dream, the culture of independence and self-promotion. To be able to live for less to save money and time to be able to put into relationships, art, music, and other endeavors. To create a culture that is alive, people that take risks and try new things.
These are perhaps the main reasons. The "ideal" that I hold onto. I love it when I look over these things and recognize how different aspects of it are being fulfilled. There is always more room for growth and change.
For me personally. I have found some 'like-minded folk." Sometimes it seems like I may have found more non-like-minded folk, but that is okay. Thats the exposure to different people. I've met and gotten to know many wonderful people, be it residents, short term visitors, long term visitors and those in the neighborhood. And I've gotten to engage in different projects just for kicks, utilizing the talents and interests of many of these wonderful people. I am excited to see what else takes place in these next years.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
fixed-gear community
Lately, I’ve realized that I may be one of the only residents here that doesn’t have a bicycle of some sort. I’ve been keeping an eye out for the bike that I will purchase and make my own, and thanks to a few of my roommates, I have a fairly good idea of what I am looking for.
Last Saturday, a friend and I made our way to a local antique hotspot in search of my future two-wheeled beauty. We found an old grey twelve speed that had potential if I could get it for the right price. The right price, however, was low, since I would have had to spend a lot of money making it into want I really wanted: it was an old, heavy, twelve speed rather than a freshly painted, light, fixed gear. I took the fully functioning bike to its owner and asked how much he wanted for it. As it was, he wanted quite a lot more than I was willing to pay. Our disagreement over the value of the bike was very obvious. I saw the bike as one that would require a significant post-purchase investment, and he saw the bike as is, being in perfectly good operational shape. Neither of us was right or wrong, it’s just that we had very different opinions about what the future of the bike should be, which in turn affected our opinion about the bikes current worth.
Recently, my thoughts regarding community living have occupied a sizable amount of mental real estate. I’ve been wondering what, in a practical sense, community living should look like. Further, I’ve tried to remember what people had initially hoped living here would be like and then attempted to compare those initial expectations with, after a years time, what we now experience. It seems, especially after the last house meeting, that we have been struggling in many ways as a community. Let me suggest two possible ways to deal with this unrest:
With only a slight change in operational structuring, we could, if desired, just settle and become an edgy little dormitory. By this I mean that we could ditch the community ideal almost completely and settle for just enough involvement with each other to keep the communal spaces clean and people comfortable.
OR
As some have suggested, we could work towards reviving the very personal, intimate, loving, honest, and sometimes painful pursuit of living and actively engaging each other.
What we have to do is decide whether or not this community is one that is currently fulfilling its purpose or if we each need to invest more, or perhaps in different ways, to pursue something beyond Atangards current culture.
I left empty handed and bike-less last weekend, refusing to compromise my understanding of its worth and my vision for it. I still need to find that bike, the one that is fit to purchase and pursue. For us residents, we live here, in downtown Abbotsford, on the second floor of the Fraser Valley Inn. Fortunately, we’ve already found a community that we value and have justified our involvement in. Do we choose to keep this place as is, discontinue any significant investment and ride it out until its broken; or do we continue the pursuit to change it into something beautiful, a shared vision of community in which we all equally partake?
This decision, or the like, each one of us will have to make and continually pursue.
Hopefully we can do so in unity.
Love,
jordan
Last Saturday, a friend and I made our way to a local antique hotspot in search of my future two-wheeled beauty. We found an old grey twelve speed that had potential if I could get it for the right price. The right price, however, was low, since I would have had to spend a lot of money making it into want I really wanted: it was an old, heavy, twelve speed rather than a freshly painted, light, fixed gear. I took the fully functioning bike to its owner and asked how much he wanted for it. As it was, he wanted quite a lot more than I was willing to pay. Our disagreement over the value of the bike was very obvious. I saw the bike as one that would require a significant post-purchase investment, and he saw the bike as is, being in perfectly good operational shape. Neither of us was right or wrong, it’s just that we had very different opinions about what the future of the bike should be, which in turn affected our opinion about the bikes current worth.
Recently, my thoughts regarding community living have occupied a sizable amount of mental real estate. I’ve been wondering what, in a practical sense, community living should look like. Further, I’ve tried to remember what people had initially hoped living here would be like and then attempted to compare those initial expectations with, after a years time, what we now experience. It seems, especially after the last house meeting, that we have been struggling in many ways as a community. Let me suggest two possible ways to deal with this unrest:
With only a slight change in operational structuring, we could, if desired, just settle and become an edgy little dormitory. By this I mean that we could ditch the community ideal almost completely and settle for just enough involvement with each other to keep the communal spaces clean and people comfortable.
OR
As some have suggested, we could work towards reviving the very personal, intimate, loving, honest, and sometimes painful pursuit of living and actively engaging each other.
What we have to do is decide whether or not this community is one that is currently fulfilling its purpose or if we each need to invest more, or perhaps in different ways, to pursue something beyond Atangards current culture.
I left empty handed and bike-less last weekend, refusing to compromise my understanding of its worth and my vision for it. I still need to find that bike, the one that is fit to purchase and pursue. For us residents, we live here, in downtown Abbotsford, on the second floor of the Fraser Valley Inn. Fortunately, we’ve already found a community that we value and have justified our involvement in. Do we choose to keep this place as is, discontinue any significant investment and ride it out until its broken; or do we continue the pursuit to change it into something beautiful, a shared vision of community in which we all equally partake?
This decision, or the like, each one of us will have to make and continually pursue.
Hopefully we can do so in unity.
Love,
jordan
Monday, August 23, 2010
The eye of the storm
It seems that conflict and controversy have visited us at long last. It has in my opinion been long overdue. We have had one fairly sleepy, fairly easy year. I have no grid by which to measure our journey, and sometimes I think of more common life's examples, though they are quite different. I have heard the first year of marriage is the hardest. I expected this year to be harder. It is interesting that things arise exactly to date on the one year anniversary of this place. Once again I feel that a point of celebration is being downplayed by the arising of another challenge.
So conflict, though our enemy, and a point of discomfort, is not necessarily a bad thing. It is through these things which we will allow to either destroy us, or make us stronger. I hope that we choose to honor one another over ourselves. That we choose to deal with root issues and not push things below the surface. That we will be honest and vulnerable with one another.
An easy relationship carries no depth or solidarity. It is meaningless. It is only based on convenience.
This is a point where we choose what we want, and what is important to us. My friends, lets think about this.
I hope for myself that I can find the strength, humility, and wisdom to help navigate us through this storm. One year in and I feel my energy fading. I do not know how to make this lifestyle sustainable. I used to consider myself a fairly level-headed even keel person. I never understood how some people could live their lives in a constant state of drama. It seems as of late that I am consistently bouncing between one emotionally induced state to another. I don't know if I have become hyper-sensitive, or if I am placed in an emotional epicenter.
I will leave us with this. It is our action that will change things - not overprocessing. Time will tell the outcome.
Happy One Year.
Sophia
So conflict, though our enemy, and a point of discomfort, is not necessarily a bad thing. It is through these things which we will allow to either destroy us, or make us stronger. I hope that we choose to honor one another over ourselves. That we choose to deal with root issues and not push things below the surface. That we will be honest and vulnerable with one another.
An easy relationship carries no depth or solidarity. It is meaningless. It is only based on convenience.
This is a point where we choose what we want, and what is important to us. My friends, lets think about this.
I hope for myself that I can find the strength, humility, and wisdom to help navigate us through this storm. One year in and I feel my energy fading. I do not know how to make this lifestyle sustainable. I used to consider myself a fairly level-headed even keel person. I never understood how some people could live their lives in a constant state of drama. It seems as of late that I am consistently bouncing between one emotionally induced state to another. I don't know if I have become hyper-sensitive, or if I am placed in an emotional epicenter.
I will leave us with this. It is our action that will change things - not overprocessing. Time will tell the outcome.
Happy One Year.
Sophia
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